two

When I entered the third year of high school, I bought a red umbrella. I haggled with the shop owner at the boutique near the school gate for a long time and finally settled on a price of 20 yuan.

In the face of Yunliang's casual question, my reaction was like a volcanic eruption: "No! It was a forced kiss! That beastly man forced a kiss on me!"

In her eyes, there is a detachment beyond her age: because we are all outsiders.

After one year, I left City H. Originally, I wanted to exchange addresses with her for communication, but she refused. She looked at me again with that mature gaze and said, "You will forget me."

I rolled my eyes: "Don't you just have money? Do you know that saying? Money can be easily obtained, but a true lover is hard to find."

I still did not look at him, and after lowering my head and letting out a soft "oh," I no longer knew what to do.

However, after the waiter left, he showed me a sunflower-like innocent and lovely smile: "Everything I ordered is the most delicious."

Jun Liang looked at me with a sidelong glance: "Yes, at least I need a Hermès bag!"

But at that time, I didn't completely lack friends. The chubby girl in class who always wore dark clothes particularly liked to stick with me. She told me that her obesity was hereditary in her family. Classmates called her "Fatso". She didn't interact with anyone except me.

Pushing aside the scattered fallen leaves on the surface of the memory lake, the imprints carved in life are presented so clearly in front of the eyes. The launch of Shenzhou VI, the whole country rejoices. Lin Chi-ling, a model who suddenly rose to fame at the age of nearly thirty, accidentally fell off a horse while shooting an advertisement, and all the media began to focus on her chest. The large-scale talent show "Super Girl" produced Li Yuchun, Zhou Bichang, and Jane Zhang. Even many years later, they are still recognized as the top three "Super Girls" who cannot be surpassed.

I replied to her softly, "It doesn't mean anything, I'm just teaching you not to gossip about other people's affairs."

Later, Gu Ciyuan said that when he watched my hurried back at that time, he felt like a heinous scoundrel.

I really want to slap them to death. They have no taste. Except for being richer than me, what else does Gu Ciyuan have that is better than me? Am I not pretty enough? Many years ago, when my cruel mother sent me to my grandmother's house outside H city to attend elementary school, I was isolated by all the girls in the class because I was too beautiful!

Give up the opposition with my mother, give up the struggle between us, give up the resentment and anger in my heart that I refuse to face because they are too heavy, like many girls in the world, be an obedient, filial daughter with a warm and pure smile, give her heartfelt comfort when she is tired and helpless, and not add fuel to the fire.

After returning to Z City, I did quickly forget about her with whom I had a shallow relationship in the familiar environment. However, whenever I feel lonely, her eyes, which are different from those of a child, always come to my mind.

Yunliang stared at me and said, "He transferred to your mom's class, did you know?"

I want to ask him, am I not a person? Why am I not given the opportunity to speak?

Since then, I no longer like to eat sugar.

The most explosive news is perhaps the sudden emergence of Hou Peicen, known as Taiwan's number one beauty anchor, into the public eye, as the "Double J romance" has collapsed.

I walked over expressionlessly and deliberately stepped heavily on the girl's foot. When she let out a earth-shattering scream, I pretended to be surprised and said, "Did I step on you? Sorry, I thought I stepped on shit."

I have to admit that I am a shallow and easily swayed fool who judges people by their appearance and is easily seduced by beauty. At that time, he was waiting in my mother's office to handle the transfer procedures. I happened to pass by and saw his silhouette from the doorway. I was instantly amazed and turned around to tell Junliang, "A very handsome boy has come to our school!"

Although I really don't want to admit it and don't want to bring it up, Gu Ciyuan has harmed me twice as a distant relative. This incident is recorded in my life's dossier and there are many witnesses, leaving no room for me to argue.

In a moment of excitement, I easily do foolish things. I couldn't contain the joy in my heart and, using a permanent marker, I boldly wrote the words: "I love Gu Ciyuan" on that umbrella. Then, I happily opened the umbrella and rushed out into the rain.

What a beautiful umbrella! Ever since I bought it, I have been looking forward to rainy days, so that I can make a dazzling entrance among the gray crowd holding it high.

I was momentarily speechless, while Junliang seized the opportunity to pursue: "I don't think he did anything wrong. On the contrary, I think he's very manly. Do you want him to cower on the side and let that creepy guy take pictures of you without saying anything?"

That was the first time Gu Ciyuan saw me cry. I didn't argue or make a scene. I just looked at him quietly, tears streaming down my face without saying a word. Gradually, he, who was originally furious, started to panic, stuttering, "Uh... um... I... I guess I went too far... uh... um... please don't cry... I'll make it up to you..."

I am too lazy to even respond to her, truly having the qualities of the opposite sex but lacking humanity

The moment his voice fell, I was petrified

My mind was still digesting the implicit information in his words, and before the conclusion could emerge, he put his arm around my shoulder and said, "Well, that's it, I have the final say"

At that time, I was a transfer student, and since I was not only beautiful but also performed well academically, I was often bullied by the dominant girls in the class

In order to vent my frustration, I deliberately said loudly when a large crowd passed by us: "Don't you just like boys? What's wrong with that!"

For those who know, practicing voice is a common task for students majoring in broadcasting and hosting. For those who don't know, they may mistakenly think that mentally ill patients have broad thinking or that intellectually disabled children are always happy.

I almost couldn't hold it in: "Please don't ruin my reputation, okay? I'm not your girlfriend, alright!"

Twenty yuan, a substantial amount!

I may be a bit unruly, but I have not committed murder or arson. Is it really necessary for you to humiliate me like this

She cast a flirtatious glance and said, "Do not be too reluctant to part with me, go find your Gu Ciyuan."

Junliang has always been quite picky about her views on boys, but after I insisted on dragging her to see him, she surprisingly said, "Oh, not bad at all. It seems that our humble school is about to produce a golden phoenix."

That girl is usually considered a relatively obedient student, but her arrogance was instantly extinguished. She rolled her eyes at me with a look of disdain and turned to leave. I took the opportunity to link my arm with Junliang's and shouted to those around us: "Don't stare, go back to class." I then turned back and entered the classroom.

Gu Ciyuan patted his shoulder and introduced him to me: "My brother whom I've played with since childhood, the heartthrob of the architecture department, Du Xun."

I was taken aback, no way! During high school, there was a boy who climbed over the wall during evening study sessions to buy her yogurt. After being caught by the teacher, he was scolded mercilessly, yet it did not move her to agree to accompany him to watch a movie. This was just a few days after entering school, what kind of person could make the aloof Su Junliang regard him with such admiration?

I had thought that as my best friend, Junliang would join me in despising Gu Ciyuan, but her face, covered with a facial mask, was calm and devoid of any expression: "It's not the first time he's kissed you, isn't this what you've always desired?"

The next day in the hallway, I heard a student from her class say loudly, "Teacher Luo's both eyes were swollen from crying!"

I pulled open the zipper of his backpack, turned it upside down, and books poured out of the backpack with a loud noise, splashing spectacular water splashes in the pond.

I have been troubled by this matter for a long time; in addition to feeling extremely embarrassed, there is also a faint sense of heartache.

Of course I know, if he hadn't transferred to my mother's class, I might not have even noticed him! I just want my mother to know, I just want to embarrass her, so what!

Gu Ciyuan was taken aback for a moment and quickly replied, "Burberry's 'Weekend'."

Another message was sent by my boyfriend, Gu Ciyuan, who refers to himself as "Laozi": "Hurry up and come down, I'm hungry!"

Sitting by the window on the second floor, Gu Ciyuan didn't give me a chance to order at all. He was alone, pointing at the menu: "This one, this one, this one, and this one..."

Every time I close my eyes, the embarrassing scene from this afternoon involuntarily comes to my mind.

Although I am clearly confused, Junliang still did not provide an answer

I turned back

Since I met Liang Zheng, every time I hear "OK" and "over," I feel like dying. I quickly pleaded for mercy: "Alright, alright, forget I said anything, let's go eat."

At this moment, I have decided: he is mine!

Throughout the entire morning class, I was resting my head on the desk in a daze. Although I appeared to be diligently studying, in reality, my spirit had long since left my body.

He, who always presented himself as well-mannered in front of others, snatched my umbrella and threw it into the trash can that afternoon

When the class dismissal bell rang, two text messages simultaneously arrived on my phone. One was from Junliang: Wishing you a pleasant lunch time. I have no classes in the afternoon, so I'm going out to have some fun. See you in the evening

How embarrassing it was for me at that time, the whole school knew that "that overly flamboyant Song Chuwei was publicly rejected." What was even worse was that this matter reached my mother's ears. That night, she didn't even cook dinner, hiding alone in her room with the lights off, I had no idea what she was doing

Nevertheless, I remained ungrateful. After returning home, I slammed the door shut with force, and alone, I held onto the blanket, crying quietly yet intensely

On a summer evening, the sunlight was still quite glaring. Gu Ciyuan stood beside me, shielding me from the sun, and his entire figure was bathed in a faint golden glow due to the backlight. That layer of light was soft and fluffy, making one feel an urge to reach out and touch it.

On the night of the graduation party, I confessed to Gu Ciyuan my original intention of pursuing him and asked him: "Did you have any impression of me back then? I was wearing a bright red wool coat that day!"

After finishing the meal, I insisted on not letting Gu Ciyuan see me off and wanted to return to my dormitory alone. Just as we were in a stalemate, I suddenly heard Gu Ciyuan greet me: "Du Xun, what brings you here?"

In fact, there was a moment when I considered giving up.

I was contemplating how to alleviate the awkward situation when Junliang, that insufferable woman, leaned over and whispered, "The first time he kissed your cheek, the second time he kissed your lips, this time, just go for a French kiss."

The reason I chose the major of "Chinese Language and Literature" is closely related to my excellent performance in the Chinese language. Despite my extreme instability in mathematics and English, I have consistently maintained a leading position in Chinese, which is also inseparable from the pressure exerted by my grandmother during my childhood

She is both right and wrong in what she said

In the drawer lies a beautiful umbrella with a black base and white floral patterns, adorned with lace along the edges. Beneath the umbrella is a note, inscribed with six bold and powerful characters: I am sorry, Gu Ciyuan

Unfortunately, my gaze held no intimidation whatsoever; he did not sense my anger at all and continued to speak passionately: "Song Chuwei, let me tell you, even if it were not you today, but a girl even uglier and plainer than you who was being stolen or photographed, I would still not stand idly by. Such scum deserves to be punished by all!"

After a while, I heard myself ask a perplexing question: "What brand is your perfume?"

I truly do not understand how she could come up with such a clichéd metaphor, but in any case, she acknowledged my perspective, and I still feel quite gratified.

I, Song Chuwei, am a girl with self-respect! I cannot be bought with an umbrella that costs less than 400 yuan!

In my past life, I have never encountered a boy like this. His appearance cannot simply be described with the words 'good-looking'; his demeanor is also different from the immature boys around me. I noticed a very faint bluish tint on his chin, and his lips are quite thin.

At the moment we first met, his smile was profound: "Are you Song Chuwei? I have long admired your name."

The person known as father has disappeared

Time flows slowly, he said: "Song Chuwei, I have kissed you twice, if I do not take responsibility for you, my conscience will be uneasy; if I take responsibility for you, to be honest, I will be restless. It is better to choose the lesser of two evils; I cannot betray my own conscience"

Hmph, it's easy to speak without feeling the pain! If I were the daughter of a wealthy man, I wouldn't bow down for just five measures of rice; at the very least, I would demand seven or eight measures!

How many pairs of eyes are watching us around? How did he respond?

I tilted my head to scrutinize him, and he also looked at me with considerable interest; however, I later realized that this kind of observation was based on a rather unequal level

I followed Gu Ciyuan reluctantly, and along the way, many classmates recognized this impressive new student representative from the opening ceremony. Some girls glanced at him and then at me, then back at him, their eyes conveying a message that could be described as "a waste of natural resources".

I have never seen what is called a "big droopy-tailed ear dog" in my entire life

Great love, like great hatred, requires an outlet for expression

Yes, it is that Li Shangyin who wrote dozens of "Untitled" poems; he is the greatest shadow of my childhood

I do not know what expression is on my face, but Gu Ciyuan's face became very gentle in that moment, as if he had transformed into another person. In my memory, he has never truly spoken a kind word to me, nor has he ever looked at me properly.

I glared at him in dissatisfaction, thinking to myself, Gu Ciyuan, you bastard, do you even know what you are saying

I am not pretending to be a lady, but at that moment, all the blood in my body truly rushed to the top of my head. I swear, I genuinely had the urge to kill her.

I arranged to meet Junliang in the lobby of the teaching building after class to go to the cafeteria together, but unexpectedly she said to me: "Eating with you, a woman, every day is so boring; today I have made plans with a man."

Once, a boy's mother came to the teacher to complain. I stood in the office with an indifferent expression, which angered her. In front of me, she said: "Children from single-parent families lack discipline, no wonder they are so uncultured."

Gu Ci Yuan was quite straightforward: "OK, then you can be with him."

That is already the end of the third year of high school, approaching the time of the college entrance examination. In order to fully commit to getting into university and to break free from my mother's constraints, I have also set aside my idle thoughts, ambitions, and romantic distractions, and focused on reviewing my studies.

Later, I left my grandmother's side and lived with my parents. They bought me a lot of White Rabbit candies. One afternoon, I ate a whole bag by myself, but I found it utterly meaningless

And what was I doing that year

Thinking of my grandmother makes my nose feel a bit sour

What I cannot bear to recall is the year when I pursued Gu Ciyuan relentlessly

Therefore, even though Gu Ciyuan is so detestable and loathsome, I still continue to entangle with him

It was this sentence that completely shattered me, and I rushed back to the classroom, grabbed that boy's backpack, and ran all the way to the small pond at the school, where I did something that left everyone dumbfounded

When we arrived at the cafeteria, the line was not long, but it was quite thick. I saw Liang Zheng struggling to squeeze out of the crowd with two trays in hand, walking towards Tang Yuanyuan, who was sitting nearby painting her nails. He almost asked in a tone meant to please, "There are no spare ribs left, can I get you some diced chicken instead?"

The air was filled with a tense atmosphere. A teacher passing through the corridor saw us two groups of girls standing in a confrontational manner and casually remarked, "What, are you going to fight?"

Even my best friend Su Junliang thinks I am so foolish that it is outrageous, and refuses to share an umbrella with me, let alone the person involved, Gu Ciyuan

Gu Ci Yuan snorted and said, "I am definitely a better role model than him. I would never let my girlfriend eat such poor food. Come on, let me take you to eat hot pot."

But I don't think highly of you

But my self-esteem has truly been hurt, so every time he smiles at me, I pretend not to notice

At that time, Gu Ci Yuan could summarize it with a line of poetry: "The person on the road is like jade, the young master is unparalleled in the world"

It is not that I am pretending to be reserved, nor is it that I hold grudges, but rather because I genuinely believe from the bottom of my heart that Gu Ciyuan may not even be clear himself whether he likes me or feels guilty towards me

I asked her, why is that?

But I cannot do it. Every time I open that drawer at home and see the page in the household registration book, where the name of a person who clearly exists yet does not exist in my life is written, the thoughts that had originally been extinguished will, in an instant, be rekindled.

The next morning, I was startled when I opened the drawer of my desk

A layer of mist clouded his eyes, making him appear like a cataract patient, and his response was akin to that of a meningitis patient: "I didn't notice anything at all"

I confessed to him for the first time, blocking him in the stairwell as he was about to go play basketball, and I said: "I have a crush on you"

In the stillness of the night, everyone in the dormitory is peacefully asleep, and the only sound in the room is the faint sound of breathing. However, I am tossing and turning in bed like a pancake, unable to fall asleep no matter what.

This is the first time I have met Du Xun

At this point, I was completely choked and unable to speak.

I often argue with my classmates, and sometimes I even fight with boys. I have very sharp nails, and I frequently leave them with scratch marks that draw blood.

After nearly a week of anticipation, it finally became overcast. On that day, I was truly overwhelmed with excitement

Junliang looks down upon my behavior, stating that it clearly exemplifies the inherent vice of humanity's fickleness in my actions

But who can deny that he is so captivating, as if he were the only source of light in the dark night

I still did not speak, and after a brief pause, I casually picked up a broom that someone had left behind after cleaning, and threw it at Gu Ciyuan. Before he could react, I ran away at full speed.

a long-cherished dream

The raging fire of anger finally completely consumed my reason, and I rushed over to deliver a flurry of punches and kicks: "You, you flatbread, what business is it of yours! I just enjoy being stolen from and photographed!"

He sighed: "Be a little more refined; it's not like we're breaking up after this meal. There will be plenty of opportunities in the future."

What I am unwilling to admit is that, apart from feeling that I have wasted twenty yuan, there is also a profound sense of grievance.

Your family may be wealthy, and twenty yuan might not even be worth noticing to you, but my family is not like that! Twenty yuan is my breakfast money for several days, do you understand!

That day I was punished to clean the classroom alone. When my mother came to pick me up, she said to the teacher: "My daughter is here to study, not to work as a cleaner and do sanitation."

I cannot help but exclaim that Liang Zheng is truly an excellent class monitor, treating his classmates with the warmth of spring. But why is he not as kind to me? Could it be that my looks are not as good as Tang Yuanyuan's?

Upon her reminder, I immediately recalled what Gu Ciyuan had said the night before when he escorted me home: "Let's have lunch together tomorrow. We will meet in the hall after class at noon, stay in place, and not lose sight of each other."

Because he is handsome, his family is wealthy, and he is also my mother's favorite student, he is the best choice I have to annoy my mother

I can no longer distinguish whether I am chewing on strawberries, blueberries, watermelon, or mint-flavored xylitol; I did nothing all night, and all my time was spent chewing on these things

In fact, I have never been willing to admit that I will always remember the first time I saw Gu Ciyuan; his appearance was like a beautiful jade

When he let go of me, he didn't dare to look at me at all. I also kept my head down, although there was a voice in my heart constantly shouting: "Slap him, Song Chuwei, slap him to death!" But no matter what, I couldn't lift my hand.

From beginning to end, I knew that Junliang had been observing my expression, but I consistently made every effort to appear unfazed.

Jun Liang has finished reading, Tang Yuanyuan has completed her painting, and I have reminisced about the years that flowed like water. Another girl from the dormitory has long gone to the classroom to reserve a seat

A long time later, after witnessing and experiencing too many joys and sorrows in the mortal world, I finally understood that perhaps I did not truly resent her back then, but rather misdirected my anger.

He carries a subtle fragrance, neither pungent nor obtrusive, wafting towards me as lightly as a feather, instantly enveloping me in a wondrous atmosphere

Her eyes widened as she pointed at me and said, "Song Chuwei, what do you mean?"

I have never seen Gu Ciyuan like this, resembling those little children in kindergarten waiting for the teacher to hand out big red flowers. On this scorching summer day, I couldn't help but shiver.

After asking, I just want to slap myself, what kind of situation is this

After reading that note, the discomfort in my heart was greatly alleviated. Later, one day, while accompanying Junliang to stroll through the department store, we passed by the La Pargay stall and unexpectedly saw that the price of that umbrella was a splendid four hundred minus one yuan. At that moment, I completely forgot about the little red umbrella that had once brought me both joy and sorrow.

After the atmosphere had calmed down a bit, Gu Ciyuan finally explained to me why he had struck someone on the bus: "I saw that scoundrel taking pictures of your chest with his phone. Although you actually have nothing to show, I still felt he deserved it..."

He let out a scoff through his nose: "You wish!"

After returning from City H to City Z, I became a wild child. I never sought confirmation from my mother regarding the rumors I heard from the gossips of the neighbors; a strange sense of pride led me to choose an extreme way to challenge her and express my resentment

The first poem I remember being able to recite is neither "Geese, Geese, Geese" nor "In the distance, two or three miles, four or five houses in the misty village," but rather "Last night's stars and last night's wind, by the west side of the painted building and the east side of the osmanthus hall, though I have no colorful phoenix wings to fly, my heart has a spiritual connection with yours."

In fact, being bullied by Gu Ciyuan has happened more than once or twice already

When I was young, the person I hated the most was not my parents, who were unable to care for me, but a poet who lived during the Tang Dynasty, named Li Shangyin

I feel that if this continues, I will eventually be driven mad, and then I will be sent back to that famous mental hospital in City Z, which is only a few hundred meters away from the nursing home where my grandmother lives. After visiting me, my mother can conveniently visit my grandmother.

Even if you truly do not like me, even if you really find me unpleasant, no matter what, I am still a girl, and I have my dignity! What is wrong with you giving in to me a little?

He did not deceive me; everything he ordered was indeed delicious. I have never acted like a lady in front of him, so I simply devoured my food. Therefore, familiarity has its advantages, and there is no need to put on airs.

Indeed, every time I tell others that I was once isolated because of my beauty, no one believes me, including Gu Ciyuan

Jun Liang, while applying a facial mask to her face, presumptuously said: "So, you kissed, right?"

I do not know if it was that incident that made Gu Ciyuan always feel guilty towards me, but upon careful reflection, it seems that it was from that time onwards that his attitude towards me was not as harsh as before. Of course, from that time on, my attitude towards him was also not as warm as it had been.

The year Gu Ciyuan entered my life was when the wheels of fate had just begun to turn, with the hands pointing directly to 2005

All night long, I was lost in thought, not knowing when I finally dozed off in a daze. It felt like I had just closed my eyes when I heard Junliang chattering away in a bird-like language, ... such as "Eight hundred soldiers mark the northern slope" "The Cowherd loves Liu Niang, Liu Niang recites about the Cowherd, the Cowherd loves Liu Niang in the Year of the Cow" "From the south comes the big droopy-tailed dog from my uncle's house" ...

Every time my grandmother made me recite poetry, I felt like crying. Although there would be a reward of White Rabbit milk candy after I recited it correctly, failing to do so meant she would hit my palm with a wooden ruler, the kind used for making clothes. At that time, it truly seemed to me like the most cruel torture in the world

In the terrified gazes of the bystanders, Gu Ciyuan's state of extreme shock lasted only two or three seconds. Quick to react, he soon retorted, "Haven't you been kept by someone before? What does that have to do with anything? I don't mind you!"

I vaguely remember that in "The Art of Face Reading," it seems to mention that people with such lip shapes are emotionally indifferent

The more I think about it, the sadder I become, and my tears come out like boiling water.

We occasionally still encounter each other at school, and he no longer avoids me as he did before; instead, he even takes the initiative to smile at me or greet me.